


Delicate, Petite, and Other Things I’ll Never Be (Unless You’re There With Me) (Dan Howell)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9562970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: requested by NOBODY: i wrote this wheni found out that my first serius boyfriend broke up with me because of how much i weigh and i was really made and also didn’t know i was trans so i created this character that looks like me but is not me named carlaword count: 6095warnings: crying, weight mention, um depression





	

When I came home with shaking hands and tumbling thoughts I knew for sure that Dan would hear my sobs through his floor and come to my rescue. Or Phil would have forgotten to eat and they would have remembered that I always made too much food because I only knew how to cook for me and my three roommates I had back in America and come to ask for dinner.

None of that happened. I went home and dropped my bag onto the floor, trying to cover my sobs with laughter and the ice water in my veins with the fire joy ignited inside of me but the sun was behind the clouds and it was raining in London and I never felt more alone. I could hear Dan and Phil filming above my bedroom as I curled up on my floor because I didn’t make it to the bed and suddenly the noise stopped.

I knew that Dan had probably heard but I was too drunk on pain to care and too filled with shame to answer the door when his voice echoed through my apartment. I was laid on the ground curled in on my body because I want to leave, to disappear and lose myself in the woods I used to run with my friends in America.

My door creaked open and Dan said my name, mumbling under his breath as he looked at me laying on the ground. My outfit was rumpled from a day of designing at the office and my hair was probably standing up on it’s end.

I felt his hands pull me up and into a wordless hug. I knew his heart was pumping because I never cried in front of him and I was sure he just knew my world was ending.

“C,” Dan whispered into my hair, slouched over because I was five foot four and he was almost a foot taller than me, “What’s wrong?”  I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his waist before crying harder.

“Danny…” His nickname was the only thing I could get out of my mouth before I began crying again and he hugged me tighter as if holding my pieces together and holding me to the ground and it made me cry harder until Dan pulled back and wiped the makeup from my cheeks.

“What is it, C?” He whispered, frowning deeply when he watched me shake my head and pull away from his hold.

“I’m sorry I took you from filming, Danny,” I whimpered and turned away from him trying to calm my breathing, trying to glue myself back together so I didn’t break in front of Dan who had his own demons to deal with. I took a shaky breath when his hands landed on my shoulders and he turned me around.

“Actually,” He smiled softly at me and I watched his eyes light up with the rest of his face like the sun and it warmed the chill in my veins and I found myself smiling slightly back at him, “I think you can make up for that and help me film something new. Phil just left to go on a date.” I kept my smile in place and told him I needed to change because the shorts that showed the curve of my thighs and the bralette in black covered only by a red and black flannel hanging loosely about my figure was causing my eyes to burn and my throat to close and I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the way my body moved without my consent. He smiled at me and exited the room.

I changed into jeans tight enough to hold my mind together with stretched string and a ripped My Chemical Romance tank top and my mirror told me I was still taking up too much of it’s space and I was still too shaky on my feet and then I wrapped my arms in flannel sleeves and found Dan on my couch and his eyes slipped up and down my figure.

His eyes told me that he knew why my mind was tumbling over the edge and why my lungs were collapsing on themselves and my hands were shaking as I opened the door for him. I wondered if he could hear my kneecaps shattering against one another as we climbed the steps to his flat.

“Okay, so I was thinking,” Dan said, letting me through his door, “That I need to film another Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail but I don’t really need help with that but we could film a collab together!” He grinned at me and it was like the sun was shining on me, warming me from the inside out.

“Sounds good,” I replied, inhaling the scent of pure Dan and Phil as Dan lead me to the living room, snagging his laptop and a blanket on the way. “What’re your plans for the collab? Your fans aren’t too fond of me, you know,” Dan shrugged and pulled me down on the couch next to him, tossing the blanket over us and pushing his body up against mine so we could share body heat and his laptop on one of our legs and his eyes met mine and they were filled with laughter and joy and worry all wrapped into his chocolate eyes.

“Do I care? They already know that I get angry when they say bad things about you or Phil,” I nodded, reaching over to type in his password before clicking open his web browser. “You going to Google video ideas?” His half smirk told me he was enjoying seeing me interact with humankind like a fresh faced, optimistic twenty-two year old instead of the sobbing mess he found me in barely fifteen minutes ago.

I wondered if there were still tear tracks on my face like there were stretch marks on my thighs and my eyes were probably still red and puffy but Dan was looking at me like I hung his world and I couldn’t help but wonder what that meant when we were nothing but friends and he wouldn’t want me to cuddle with him at night because he would want to run his hands down my body but I had scars and bumps and road tracks where my previous boyfriends ran their hands and skidded to a stop because I was not who they wanted.

I wipe the thought from my mind when Dan pulled up a stupid challenge video and we laughed together for five minutes before my heartbeat jumped in my veins and his arm wound around my shoulders and we leaned in together, watching two idiots trying to drink Capri Sun pouches as fast as they could. I wondered if it was my head pounding from the migraine I was going to get from crying so hard or if it was just my heartbeat in my head from Dan’s arm around my shoulders and his cheek on my head and his lungs laughed under a foot away from mine.

I could feel his face turned toward my smile but I couldn’t stop laughing as we watched the teens puke up the liquid and I turned to face him with a question mark in my eyes and a curve on my lips. Dan shook his head and asked a question so soft it was like a baby’s breath on my face.

“I’m sorry? Speak up, Danny,” I tried to make my voice airy and float toward him but it was shaky from my sobbing and the burn of my throat reminded me of the words that I was faced with leaving work and Dan grinned before speaking up.

“I asked if you just want to do a tag,” His arm tightened around me, pulling our faces closer together but I pretended not to notice and I wondered if the blush was on my cheek because I was covered in his warmth, his laptops warmth and the radiating warmth of the blanket or if it was because my body was still overheating because of my crying fit that Dan rescued me from.

“Yeah,” I brightened, grinning, “We can find some super stupid questions, hold on!” I turned back to the laptop, starting when Dan slammed it shut. I looked back up at him as he flung the blanket off, pulling me up off the couch.

“I’ve got questions set up already, come on!” I giggled, already feeling better as he slipped in his socks down the hallway and the thumping of my boots to his room and suddenly I wondered what it would be like to live in his house, eat from his kitchens and drink from his mugs and caress his lips with my own. He slammed his body down into his chair, pulling his camera set up away from his usual “I’m getting that Myspace angle but pretending I’m totally innocent about it” setup and over to his bed.

“Since you’re so much shorter than me, I need you to sit on my bed so I can get the camera where it needs to be to have both of our faces in and in focus.” I nodded and sat down on the edge of his bed, pretending like I hadn’t dreamt of laying in his covers, surrounded by his scent and his arms and I smiled smally at the camera Dan is crouched behind listening to it whir and focus before the red light clicked on and he giggled before leaning over it to make a face at me. I fully laughed, covering my face with a flannel-pawed hand, leaning back on the other.

“Carla,” Dan said softly, “I know you like having your hair shorter than mine and all but it’s sticking up everywhere. Did you mean to do that?” I shook my head, bringing my hands up to smooth down my hair. It was only about three inches long and unruly as ever but running my fingers through it and looking sheepishly up at Dan seemed to sate his OCD concerning my hair.

“Sorry, I’m not aesthetically pleasing just yet. Can you get my eyeliner out of your desk drawer?” Dan nodded and I made a face at the camera he left recording before being attacked by my eyeliner and mascara.

“Thought you’d want the mascara, too,” Dan said, turning around the camera piece that he uses to make sure he’s in frame. I leaned in close as he sat next to me on the bed, applying the eyeliner and mascara thickly. When I was satisfied I tossed them toward his desk, sitting down next to him.

“Thanks, Danny,” I smiled up at him. Deep down I knew it was for show because I never got feeling too much better after an episode. I felt fake and like I was lying to him by pretending to be happy when my kneecaps still clanked together creating symphonies of sadness with my fracturing ribcage. I knew Dan would make it go away, though, because he always did.

I watched him as he did his usual intro, several times to try and get a good one, and knew that he was the only reason I was still here. I would have left months prior to go back to America, to my family and friends and old, underpaying, crappy editing job for some skeezy fashion magazine had Dan and Phil not hired me for some work on TABINOF. Their book got me the job I had been working that day: editing videos for some up and coming comedy magazine’s YouTube. I wondered what he thought of me when I wasn’t there. Like, when he and Phil were drunk at night alone in their flat listening to me sing off key in my own flat as I cleaned.

“Carla,” Dan said, shaking my shoulder with a playfully exasperated smirk on his face, “Were you even paying attention or were you just staring at me?”

“I was admiring The Other Side of you, as Tumblr is obsessed with,” I joked back, playing along with the fake anger Dan was putting off. “But no, I wasn’t paying attention,” I grinned back at the camera, crossing my arms over my middle and hoping it didn’t look too obvious.

“Great, hah hah,” Dan laughed loudly and clapped his hands, smiling awkwardly toward the camera, “I’m so glad I’m bringing this meme on this journey of friendship with me!” I grinned as cheesily as I could toward the camera before looking back at Dan.

“You’re going to cut that out, right?” I asked, lowly so the mic couldn’t pick that up. Dan looked down and me and grinned, cocking his eyebrow.

“Why would I cut out you staring at me?” He said before turning back to the camera, “And now Carla is going to explain what we’re doing! Just because I love to torture her.”

“Uh, all I know is we’re doing a tag video? And we’re answering questions.” I gestured awkwardly. “A lot of questions, I guess. Dan never told me how many questions we’re answering.”

“We’re answering twenty-two questions; one for each year Carla has been alive,” I gave him an incredulous look before he leaned over and whipped out a page of paper, giving a thumbs up to the camera. “These questions are taken from bestfriendtagquestions dot-” I leaned over to take a look at the paper and I snorted, covering my mouth and laughing intensely, trying to manage some words for the camera.

“He,” I took a break to giggle some more, “He printed them off in comic sans!” Dan leaned his elbow against his knee and put his hand on his forehead to shield his eyes. I laughed harder when I saw his shoulders shaking and somehow my sadness and insecurities began to melt away when Dan looked back up at me.

“Why’d you have to tell them? I didn’t want them to know!” I clutched my sides, falling back on the bed and covering my face.

“Then you- Then you shouldn’t have printed it in comic sans! Oh, my God, you’re such a meme!” Dan pulled me back up and put an arm around me so he could put his hand over my mouth.

“SO!” He shouted, “First question! How and when did we meet?” I peeled Dan’s hand off my hand and wiped my eyes before thinking about it.

“Um, I think it was after you and Phil finished TABINOF because you guys hired me to edit through it and I meet with all my clients.” I said, trying to figure out the other half of the question when Dan swooped in and saved me.

“And it was a very awkward meeting because me and Phil thought Carla was a boy because it’s not like we stalked only her Tumblr or anything,” He scoffed and we laughed again, “And we first met her and Phil apparently realized that Carla was a girl before me because he was posh and polite and I was all,” Dan puffed out his chest and mimicked himself on the day we met, sending me into another hysterical fit of giggles, “Hello sir, nice to meet you! My name’s Dan Howell!”

“And- And I gave him the most disgusted look and I put my hand d-down,” My stomach was coiled tight with laughter and looking over at Dan, hunched over, grinning like a fool while he laughed my veins ignited with fire and the fire spread through my body, chasing the dark away from my foggy brain, “And all I could think to say was: ‘Nice to meet you, too, ma’am,’” Dan and I broke out in a fresh fit of laughter, leaning on one another in a moment of delirium melted together with complete and utter joy at being friends. “And his face was priceless!” Our laughter receded and we calmed down enough for Dan to raise the paper to his face and read off the next question which was our favorite memory together. As Dan explained his favorite memory, which included the first day I met Phil and the utter catastrophe that was my outfit and Dan’s room and the kitchen, I wondered what my favorite memory was.

Was it the way we feel asleep on the couch together, intertwined like two strings and wound just as tight with nervous appreciation for the season finale of Sherlock? I remembered the way his heart was beating and his chest was rising underneath the jumper he was wearing and the fleece of his night pants on my bare legs because I was wearing only a pair of Phil’s boxers.

Maybe it was the day Dan had first come to my apartment because he heard me swearing through the floor and recognized the voice as the voice of the girl helping edit his book because he just waltzed right into my apartment and ended up taking a bat to the back of his legs and my foot to his chest because it was late at night and my glasses were off. I remember how he groaned in defeat and grinned up at me even though I was holding a bat above my head and my nose was bleeding because of the weather change. All Dan said that night was hello, I’m sorry and goodnight because I tucked him into my bed and slept on the floor without saying anything and listened to him snore through the night because my heart was on fire and it was broken and bleeding up my throat.

It was probably the day I found out my boyfriend, who was living in America while I spent a couple of months in London, was cheating on me and had broken up with my by email. I didn’t bother to check my personal email because I was too taken up with my business and designing and making friends and going to parties and falling in love with one half of my upstairs neighbors to be bothered to check my personal email but I remember thinking I should have taken the time to call my technology repulsed boyfriend or answered his emails because obviously it was my fault. Ice was crawling back in my veins before I knew it, just sitting next to Dan and remembering the way he crawled into his bed and pulled me down with him while I sobbed, the way he gave me three whole weeks of off work and spent them all with me. I looked at him, still telling the story and forced myself to laugh along with him because I wondered if he’d ever fall for me. I was broken and nervous and my moods changed too rapidly from fire to ice and my hair was too short like my temper and suddenly Dan was laughing loudly and I was too, ready to spit out the story of the time I slammed Dan in the back of the knees with a bat.

“What about you, C? What’s your favorite memory of us?” I pretended not to notice his too long eyelashes or the hairpin curve of his mouth as he leaned back on his arm and looked at me, concentrating on the air I was expelling from my throat.

“Danny came over down to my apartment one day,”  
“Flat for all the nonweirdo’s out there,” Dan pointed fingerguns at the camera before I snorted again, trying to keep up my energy because suddenly I felt drained and tired and that’s because I had been crying.

“Anyways,” I rolled my eyes and continues the story, watching Dan’s face go bright red as I described the noise that he made when he hit the ground and suddenly my blinks became longer and my gestures became lazier and Dan must have noticed. He pushed my shoulder and leaned forward after I finished and clicked of the recording before tugging my flannel from my body.

“Look, it’s late. I knew you weren’t going to make it through the video.” I glared at him and he smirked at me.

“You’re such a dirty rat,” I joked, humming as he lead me to his side of the bed, pushing me down under the covers. “You knew I was gonna pass out.” Dan didn’t say anything as he pulled my shoes from my body and caught my shirt as I tossed it at him. His blanket was soft and warming against my skin and Dan’s soft humming as he moved around his room, moving his camera set up so I wasn’t in the shot.

“What’re you doing?” I asked as he sat down with his back to me on the edge of his bed. My voice was groggy and slurred and for once I was glad I never dreamt because I was sure I would either dream of Dan or dream of the man who left me behind for a girl who was smaller than I yet bigger than I in every aspect of personality.

Dan faced away from me with his shoulders slumped and his form barely moved when he spoke, “Carla… Why were you crying?”

I was afraid to tell him because I already knew he hated Matthew with a passion and I still cared for the kid even though I shouldn’t have. Through the fog of almost sleep I sat up and wrapped my arms around Dan’s shoulders, cringing when he tensed under my weight.

“Will you be mad if I don’t tell you?” I asked, voice soft as I wish my body was. Dan shook his head before placing one hand over my arm.

“No,” Dan said, “Never. I don’t think I could ever be mad at you.” I bit out a bitter laugh before laying back down.

“I’m sure you would be if I told you why I was crying,” I muttered, turning my back on him. I heard him sigh and soon I drifted off into sleep my nightmares coming and going but never staying because Dan’s voice always brought me back to the surface between sleeping and awakeness and soon I felt his body slipping into bed next to mine and I rolled toward the warmth. He mumbled my name and tried to tell me to scoot over but I pushed my hand toward his chest, making sure he was calm under my fingertips and his bare chest was smooth and his breath was ragged as we drifted off together, intertwined like two strings and wound as tight as unspoken words.

When I woke up the sun was still under the horizon but I heard Phil moving around in the kitchen. I didn’t move because Dan’s arm was draped over me and his breath was ghosting over my neck and I could barely remember why I was crying the day before because his touch ignited something in the pit of my stomach and the atriums of my heart were jumping because I was living the dream I had so many times before. Even though my head was kicking like a drum and my stomach churned because of the pain I was the most content I had been in years with my life.

I knew Phil had entered the room when the door creaked and Dan raised his head, shushing before Phil could even begin to speak.

“Phil, I appreciate your concern,” His chest rumbled against my back and I had no choice but to groan and roll over, tucking my face into his neck as his arms wound tighter around me. Silence rang through the room for thirty seconds before Dan spoke, his voice lower and softer like he was afraid he’d break my sleep like cracking ice. “Could you bring Carla some aspirin for her migraine?”

“How do you know she has a migraine?” Phil asked, his voice as soft as Dan’s.

“Phil, you and I both heard her crying before you left for PJ’s. She’s going to have a migraine.”

“Dan, you really shouldn’t-”

“I know,” Dan said tersely. I wondered what could make his soft voice so hard, or his arms that usually were calm around me turbulent and crushing. The door closed and Dan relaxed into my body, gently kissing my forehead before humming some tune I could barely put my finger on. I shuffled again, disenchanted with my pretending game of deceit and spying before opening my eyes and catching Dan’s burning face in my sight.

“What’re you humming?” I mumbled. My throat was scratchy and my voice was unused and I was sure my face was as red as the flannel I saw laying on his dresser behind him.

“Some Muse song,” He whispered back, “This isn’t weird is it?” I shook my head and Phil opened the door, setting Aspirin on the bedside table before leaving to us and leaving quickly. Dan reached over me and pressed the pills into my mouth, lifting the water for me to swallow them. We settled back down, twining our legs together and with me half on his bare chest, our skin rubbing together and sending sparks into Dan’s dark room.

“You’re humming Madness, aren’t you?” I asked, afraid for the answer and afraid for the rejection and afraid for the way we would stop talking.

“Yeah,” He mumbled, never breaking eye contact with me as we layed in the sunrise silence of his room. I pulled myself away from him, pushing my legs over the edge of his bed and curling my toes in the carpet of his room. My body was shaking but I couldn’t figure out why and my fingers wound into my hair and Dan’s hands found the small of my back and his lips found the back of my neck, whispering my name. “Carla, are you alright?” He asked.

“Danny,” I whispered his name as a prayer to keep the tears back, “I was crying because Matthew broke up with me because of my weight,” I let my words cut the air and Dan’s hands tighten on my back, sliding to my hips as his legs wound around me and his feet his the carpet next to mine.

“C…” His voice trailed off and his arms trapped my waist in themselves. He laid his chin on my shoulder and swallowed thickly like he knew this wasn’t exactly platonic but he didn’t care because my body was shattering and my mind was wrapped around his body encircling mine like a train that was off course. “Who told you that?” I was hesitant to tell him her name because I watched the way his eyes trailed after her form when he came to pick me up from work paired with her boyfriend was the man who lived overseas and hated technology.

“Charlotte,” I whispered, dropping my arms to catch his hands in mine, using his shoulder as a stabilizer because my headache was going away and I was afraid of the thoughts I would have once the fog of pain cleared away.

“Carla,” Dan turned his face toward mine but I kept staring forward, “You know you can’t listen to her. She’s a pathological liar.” I knew he was right and his heartbeat against my back reflected my lungs and let my throat open with the possibility of Dan’s lips against it.

“I know but,” My sentence hung, “I don’t know,”  I finished, exclaiming in shock when Dan stood harshly, dragging my body with him. My legs dangled above the ground because he held our waists tightly together and was spinning around. Laughter bubbled out of my throat before I could think about it and soon Dan’s was echoing around his room, too.

He finally put me down, holding up his hand and stumbling to his camera. “Don’t move,” He said. I stood in the middle of his room with a grin on my face and my jeans ruffled from a night of sleep. I knew I should have put my arms down because I was holding them out for balance and my hair was more than likely sticking up but the flash on Dan’s camera went off four times and he was grinning at it and I didn’t even care that I was only wearing a black, strapless bra in the photo. I held out my hand for his camera and gave him the same instructions he gave me before taking the same amount of photos.

I looked down at them and saw the now captured in his eyes, the stupid, cheesy pose he was in and the bedheaded hobbit hair brought butterflies to my chest.

“You’ve got a good eye for taking photos.” Dan said, leaning over the camera in front of me. I looked up at him and grinned, all of my panic and insecurity fading quickly.

“It’s not hard to take a good photo when I’ve got the most beautiful subject in front of me.” I whispered, terrified at running him off, running him away but the opposite happened. Dan ripped the camera from me and tossed it onto his bed, snatching my face and pressing his lips against mine feverishly. I pushed against him as hard as he was pushing against me my hands clutching at his biceps like he was a weight and I wanted to drown.

We rivaled each other’s fierceness and our lips crashed together and we pressed our bodies together and I couldn’t help but question his motives as we moved back to where his camera was laid. I knew it wouldn’t be the right decision but his hands clutched my waist like he wanted to drown to and his teeth found my neck and I whispered his name like a prayer.

“We shouldn’t,” Our voices chorused together as my back hit his bed and our stomachs and chests collided with one another and it was like we were one person.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, lips swollen with my taste on them and all I could think to do was take his hand as he helped me up and shake my head.

“It’s fine, Danny,” And his nickname tasted different in the colors overlaying his walls in the sunrise and his taste still on my lips. “Uh, um,” I stuttered to try and find my ground but Dan did that for me when he drew his fingers down the side of my face and wound them around my neck and smiled confidently.

“If you don’t…” He took a deep, steadying breath and I saw the soft smile break out on his face, “If you don’t want to,” I shook my head and dragged his head down by the neck so our lips could meet again.

“I want to,” I whispered, closing my eyes, “Just… I don’t want to, y’know?” Dan ducked his head with a megawatt smile on his face and his eyes closed of their own accord and his arms twirled around my body and pressed himself against me. I hugged him back and then pulled away to grin at him before pulling him over and tugging out two Muse shirts from his dresser, pulling one on me and one on him before guiding him to his living room. Phil was probably holed up in his room, afraid to see the bruise on my skin or the way Dan and I looked at one another, perpetually reaching for one another in the face of our sadness and our brokenness and loneliness.

I laid myself across his couch and Dan lifted my torso, settling himself underneath it and draping a blanket overtop of us. I leaned my head against the couch’s arm and stole the remote, turning on Netflix.

“What’re we going to watch?” Dan asked, curling one hand around my shoulder and the other in my hair, “I never know with you.”

“Have you ever seen Grey’s Anatomy?” I asked, the Grey’s icon highlighted. I looked back at Dan and he shook his head and we smiled at one another. I grinned at him, even though I had gotten halfway through episode three of season two I knew I was going to rewatch it with Dan, suck him into the world of Meredith and Derek and Cristina and George and the hospital and the patients because that’s just what we did. We watched TV shows and got the other into them and I would have been damned if that changed because we kissed, shirtless in his room.

“Are you going to make me watch it now?” He asked and I nodded, “Isn’t this the show you’re watching now that’s making you cry?” I shrugged and clicked into the loading screen for Grey’s.

“This is all they’re watching at home. That’s all Lix will talk to me about anymore.”

“So you’re going to get the whole of Britain hooked, too?” Dan chortled underneath me, jostling my body.

“It’ll only spread if you tell your fans that you’re watching it.” I shot back. The show loaded and Dan and I fell quiet. He soon fell engrossed in the show and I rolled over to watch his expression rise and fall, like his chest. I knew he was hooked from the first five minutes, just like I was. I knew he would probably hate Bailey at first like I did or think George was just a little bit creepy like I did. I knew where he would hit the highs and lows along with the show, when his stomach would drop or he would laugh in jubilation. The episode ended and suddenly they flew by and I was almost in a trance watching the way his face changed. Phil had popped his head in and told us he was going out with the same girl he had gone out with the night prior, so I knew he really meant going over to PJ Ligouri’s house and pretending like we weren’t ejecting him from his home.

I knew it was the season finally when Dan’s eyes widened and his voice jolted with his body.

“What?!” Dan shrieked, and then I noticed the sun was down in the sky, “How could he-?! He has a wife!?” I pushed myself off of my lap and swung my legs in front of me when the episode went black. Dan looked to me and gestured to the screen with a gaping mouth.

I shrugged and took his hand, kissing the knuckles softly. “It’s a tough world out there, DannyBoy,” I said softly, laughing when he nuzzled into my neck.

“Do you promise you’re not married? I’m sure if you were your husband would fly over here and kick my arse.” I laughed as we leaned back into the back of the couch, curled in on each other like the answer to a question nobody asked except we both asked the question and both drank the wine and both experienced the magic of kissing together, in his room, our bare skin pressed together. We were laying there when Phil came back in with fear in his eyes and a question on his smiling lip.

“Is it safe to come in?” He asked, shielding his eyes. Dan and I called out to him, telling him it was okay and we were decent. He sat down next to us with a grin on his face and a bag in his hands, which he placed in my lap after Dan shifted me to his lap.

“Open it. I decided you needed something to cheer you up, but, uh, I see you’re cheered up.” I grinned at him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. I opened up the bag and cheered, holding up the box set to The Giver by Lois Lowry. Phil and Dan knew I had read the first book but never got around to reading the rest.

“Thank you, Philly,” I grinned, wrapping my arm around him and squeezing. “You guys are the best of friends.” Phil gave Dan a sideways look.

“Hear that, Dan? You just got friendzoned by the girl sitting on your lap.” Dan pushed his face into the side of my neck, laughing.

“I’m telling you, Phil, thanks for your concern but if I’m getting friendzoned I’ll take it.” I set the books aside and clicked into the second season of Grey’s Anatomy, drawing Phil’s attention.

“Are we really watching this?” Dan and I nodded and Phil sighed, “I think I’m going to go film something that doesn’t involve getting my heart ripped out.” Dan and I laughed, watching Phil as he retreated.


End file.
